a perfect day

i can honestly say that today i am blissfully happy and contend and could not ask for anything more.

last night we had some friends over for a braai to a nice clean house and had a great time. it occured to me that we are now grown-ups. our friends arrived while i was in the kitchen i had just cleaned, making a salad and fixing up our garlic-bread ala us, when i heard the tapping of little bare feet and Elizabeths voice calling me. First time she's been here and she padds straight in and comes looking for me - melt factor on high!

hubby had the steering wheel set up at the playstation so the guys could play some formula 1, but instead of all three of them hanging in front of the tv the entire afternoon as i had though they actually kuierd outside with us for the most part. it was a wonderful relaxed group atmosphere, no segregation of the sexes like one usually gets at braais.

later that night when Elizabeth got tired we got out the camping mattress and she eventually fell asleep on it under the gazebo where we were chatting. when everyone had left at around 10:00 i realised that even though we had people over for a braai since lunchtime, the house was still clean! how wonderful it is to be grown up LOL

this morning i was lying awake and decided - like so many other mornings - to lie very still and see if i could feel the baby moving, not expecting much though. i shifted a little bit which had the cat complaining somewhat from where she was lying, just under the little baby bump. and suddenly... there it was! a very definite feeling, unlike anything i've ever felt before, like slight pressure, flipping, like a fish almost. but definitely there!!! i had to wake up hubby with the news and got a sleepy, blissful smile and a tight hug in return. and then i just lay there, telling him what i was feeling and when. it was amazing!

we eventually got up, i made us some coffee and breakfast and we sat down outside where the gazebo, table and chairs were still set up from the night before. it was a beautiful, warm, sunny morning, the air smelled like coming summer, there was a slight breeze blowing across my skin and the cat was lying at my feet, purring. and again i realised how incredibly lucky i was to have this life. what more could i possibly want? i looked over to where hubby was enjoying his breakfast and got a loving smile and my answer was confirmed - absolutely nothing!

initiation

so last night i think i got officially initiated into our new circle of friends - and officially accepted by their little girl.

while hubby was helping J out with his boats engine i was hanging out with L and little E - i guess we've been over there a lot lately and little E now sees me as the newest attraction - i was asked to wash her hair and get her dressed, i got my hair done by her and had to build clay babies (interestingly therapeutic that!), and by the end of the evening i got to change her diaper. and what a diaper it was!! Oh-My-Word!!! tear gas has got nothing on this kid! i think i got through it rather well but walked away with a new respect for babies in general!

the best husband in the world

i think i must have the best husband in the world! monday and tuesday i was in bed with the flu and he treated me royally - cooked for me so i'd have lunch during the day while he was at work, brought me mountains of fresh veg and fruits and made sure i took my meds.
and now that i'm better he's stuck with my flu - poor man.

for a while now i've been saying i want to move my workdesk out of the spare bedroom and also that we need new closet space to accomodate all the new baby stuff. yesterday hubby phones me up and tells me he has a surprise waiting for me at home. the curiosity almost crippled me for the rest of the day but when i came home it was worth the wait - he'd come home during the day and brought a huge closet for our bedroom, and also shifted my work desk to where i'd wanted. who would've thought i could get so excited about furniture!!! now i walk through our little home and just enjoy the newness. also with the new space in the spare bedroom / baby room its now easier to plan.

now i just need to clear out my old boxes and get rid of my accumulated cr@p! wish me luck with that!!!

what a wonderful weekend

This past weekend was another memorable one! Saturday i had some girlfriends over, we had pizza and gossiped and looked through my new baby clothes. The one already has a 6-month-old who was the centre of attention obviously :)
I had already started shifting around in the babyroom and the little bed is now set up with a collection of stuffed animals and blankets. Also we have received so many second hand baby clothes i honestly don't know how to thank people! and really nice, good-quality clothes! My mom has been an angel - not only has she collected the clothes and sent them up, with some new items in between that she just couldn't resist in the shop, but she and my grandma also bought some winnie the pooh material and she's making us bedding and curtains for what she proudly calls her grand-bundle-of-joy!
Sunday we whent for a day trip with some friends to the dam - for the internationals thats the lake! our one friend has a new racing boat so the day was spent setting up the engine and taking us women and little girl out for spins. We made hot dogs and otherwise lazed in the shade, chatted, took lots of photos and enjoyed the day.
Another big plus was that one of the new group of friends actually works at canon and will take my camera in with her to get it cleaned - i have so far not achieved much by phoning around plus by the time i eventually get into town another month will have past. If they can get those irritating dust spots out that i haven't been able to clean out, taking photos will be a joy again! Already this was a very rewarding weekend for photos again - i'd almost forgotten how much i enjoyed it. And with the zoom lens my man got me and the appreciation of the group afterwards, i think i have rediscovered my passion :)

what tiggers do best!

Although my last post might have seemed a bit dooms-day-y i can safely assure you those moments pop up occasionally but then dissipate just as quickly.
On an up note it does sometimes feel like planning for our baby has brought my husband and me even closer!
We met up in the mall yesterday because i wanted to show him some items i'd found in the baby department of Edgars - just to show, to daydream together and enjoy one of those 'oh we can't wait for our little peanut'-moments.
We're agreed that Winnie the Pooh is among our top choice of themes for our baby. Not only is it neutral for boys and for girls, but its also a classic, beautiful and most of all innocent story.
So yesterday i happened to find a stuffed Tigger! I just had to show daddy that, he'd love it. And he did! He bought it immediately and afterwards seemed very contend strolling through the mall with an oversized stuffed Tigger in his arms.
So often lately i count my lucky stars to have a man like him to share this experience with. He will be such a wonderful father! He already loves this baby to bits and is reading up on the in's and out's of pregnancy and baby care. To such an extend that sometimes he will tell me what to eat and what is good for the baby right now and why! And even thought i then put up a show of indignation i love and admire him for that :)
I salute all the good fathers out there and sincerely take my hat off to those incredibly strong women wo've had to have children without that support!

avocados

latest pregnancy update: i'm now around 16 weeks - i should say 4 months - a friend once remarked in a very exasperated way about how pregnant women always talk about weeks and expect everyone else to calculate exactly how far that is!
Ok so i'm 4 months along now - and apparently OB1 is now the size of an average avocado - this is quite big, especially if i look down at my stomach and can hardly see anything! Also at this stage tiny bones in the baby's ears are developing which means it can now pick up our voices - which means even more effort on my part to keep my language clean!
For the last month i've not had too much to post - i still don't feel pregnant. Granted i get pains in my lower abdomen when i laugh to hard or sneeze, and my backpain has now localised to a specific point and threatens to disable me when i try to get up off a chair, but other than that i feel quite normal!
As for a baby-tummy - well. there's something there, but the only way to distinguish it from flab is that its hard and i can't suck it in anymore.
daddy is very excited and talks to the baby every now and again, i still have to get used to talking to my own flab. especially an area i spent my life disliking and hiding.
Sometimes i worry that i still feel so utterly normal. Judging by the level of broodiness i experienced by just seeing babies before, shouldn't i be tuned in to my own baby by now? Sure i love setting up the room, i love buying things for our little mystery child - whenever i can find something neutral! I also love planning how baby will fit into our life and our home, about the moments in the hospital when people come to visit... but when it comes right down to it... i'm afraid the idea of an actual baby still eludes me. I seem stuck on the idea of a baby, the idea of being a mother, of being part of that special club of women, of having finally arrived at the next logical step in my life. But what if its not at all what i imagined? what will i become through the constant possible crying, the sleepless nights, the lack of cuddle-time with my husband, the complete and utter loss of any sense of 'looks'...???
and will i be as good a mom as i hope to be? will i succeed in raising a well-balanced child? a happy child? will i be able to protect it from all the evil in the world?
Will i still be a good wife and partner? And somewhere in the midst of all this, will i still be me?

ugh!

well, for the last weeks i could almost forget that i'm actually pregnant - i suppose thats ok though, i do have to pace myself for the next 7 months still!
today i just feel crappy. so tired i could tip out of my chair now and catch a snooze on the floor! and i have this urge to just cry. get all the frustration out. we still haven't heard back on whether the car will be written off or not, hubby is being shifted around from doc to doc and still no-one has done more for him that x-ray his neck and give him a variety of painpills, none of which work properly, so he's hardly sleeping.
luckily we're still in a good place with each other - with all the financial and other drama its the one thing i'm holding on to right now.
tomorrow will be better.